22/08/2010
寶貝妳是不是會冷？
好幾次姊姊睡夢中說會冷，是妳嗎？
聽媽媽的話，要去快樂的極樂世界，妳的wonderland
在那裡妳就不會冷冷了，也不會痛痛了，知道嗎？
若是妳，媽媽心疼得心都痛起來了
媽媽捨不得妳，也知道妳捨不得我們．
但是，媽媽更不願意妳再繼續在這個充滿痛痛的世界受苦啊！
媽媽，爸爸，姊姊都會將妳放在我們的心中．
在那個世界裡妳，妳是純淨的小天使
妳想我們的時候，能看得到我們．
我們的思念也會傳到妳心中
所以，聽話喔～
媽媽希望妳從此以後，
在無憂無慮的wonderland當個快樂的小天使
再給媽媽多一點時間好嗎？
媽媽想妳，捨不得妳，三不五時掉掉眼淚
媽媽這樣是不是給妳太多牽掛了？對不起，寶貝
就讓媽媽這陣子任性的好好哭個夠，可以嗎？
媽媽一定會堅強的，妳不要太牽掛．要聽話去快樂的極樂世玩玩
20/08/2010
常常覺得時間和空間都停格了…外面的世界竟覺得那麼的不熟悉
又想不起今天又是哪一天了…
自己好像窩在一個透明的泡泡裡，看著有點陌生的環境
煦雯，
今天是妳當媽媽女兒的第１２天
好像很久以前的事情，
媽媽想要努力記住每一天，卻又亂了緒
好奇怪．．．有時候又覺得，時間短暫像是才昨天而已
我們還牽著妳的小手
媽媽我還半夜坐在妳的保溫箱旁，
看不夠．．．
守著妳，看著妳．．．彷彿這樣可以保證妳的未來，替妳擋下任何壞壞
告訴妳：［媽媽在這裡，我們慢慢來．．媽媽陪妳度過每一個下一秒鐘，我們就又往前進一步．］
現在，媽媽連這小小的渴望都沒機會了
這是一本寫給失去孩子的父母的書。
在世界上，有超乎我們想像的人，
曾親身經歷過這種傷痛，
無論是流產、死胎、早產、或死於併發症的寶寶
也有許多期盼當父母的人，卻無法如願等到屬於自己的寶寶來臨。
不論是遭遇哪種情況的父母，內心的痛苦與對孩子的思念，都一樣深刻。
但我們無須獨自去面對悲傷，
看著書中這些父母的故事，
你會發現被眼淚封閉的自己，其實並不孤單。
失去絕對不是人生的終點，在傷痛之後，我們仍可以找到繼續前進的方向。
「把妳生回來！」不只是期待離開的天使再次降臨，
更是做母親的「妳」給自己的重生！
19/08/2010
原來…心痛不只是一種情緒的描述
心真的會揪痛的. 連呼吸都痛了…
告訴自己要堅強，因為我擁有2個寶貝小蘋果和小草莓和很愛我們的阿爸.
若這次太過倉卒，是否能夠再把妳生回來？
我必須要這樣想，才能有勇氣面對．．．
不然．．．真的無法承受下去
18/08/2010
無法擁抱…才知道心能有多痛!
這天我們看著你安息．
煦雯寶貝，
要聽媽媽的話喔～不要牽掛，去妳的wonderland玩玩喔，
我們已將妳牢牢的放在我們的心中
＊＊＊＊＊
這是爸爸和媽媽對來看妳的客人講的話：
Thank you for coming on this special date. We are here today to celebrate the birth, and the life of our beloved daughter, Kristine Shi-Wen.
l Our little baby’s name: Kristine Shi-Wen Huang
n Shi: means the spring breez, warm and cozy
n Wen: means the beautiful cloud, and rain that nourish our precious baby
n Strawberry is her nick name, named by her sister Kylie when Kristine was in mummy’s tummy.
l Today, this is more like a family gathering; it is simple, and Kristine is surrounded by everyone she is familiar with. We wish Kristine would feel like being with us at home, and Kristine can know how much we love her and how wonderful it is to be part of family.
l As soon as she was born, we wanted so much to have her in our arms, protect her as much as we can. We wanted so much to hold her and touch over every inch of her body. But she is so fragile. We couldn’t bear the thought of causing any more harm to her beautiful, tiny body.
l I remember the first day, she hold my finger so tight. She is so sweet that she tried so hard to let Daddy and Mummy not to worry too much all the time. She was trying so hard to give us comforts and hope.
l We remember holding her in our arms and she opened her eyes to us as if she was saying, “Daddy and Mummy, this is me, your precious little girl. But I can not stay.” “That’s okay, Daddy and Mummy. I will be always in your hearts.” She gives us the strength and let us know the beauty of life”.
l It is heart-breaking to let go Kristine. Any physical pain does not even rate to the pain of losing her. This is life-long pain for us, but we are very pleased that she is now at a better place without any more suffering.
l She is truly always in our hearts. We had very wonderful times together.
l We would like to express our gratefulness to all the NICU team: Dr. Lin, Irene, Christine and other nurses and anyone who reaches out their hands to us and gives us enormous support and help. Thank you so much for staying with us and help us go through this in the past few days.
l And also, on be half of Kristine I would like to say “thank you”.
生命的誕生是希望
媽媽哭啞了嗓子，在產房中不斷嘶喊［No．．．］
還是提早生下了妳
對不起！我的寶貝．．．
好久都不敢上自己的網站，
因為不知道自己是否已經能夠有足夠的勇氣說出自己的心情
身體的狀況恢復的很快，但心理那道看不到的傷痕，
我還小心翼翼脆弱地拼湊著，任何事情都能夠輕而易舉的讓它鏗鏘碎裂．
一直以來，許多遠在台灣的親人和朋友是透過部落格來關心我們一家
沒了消息很不像我的作風，很多人開始寫信，也得不到消息．
很抱歉讓大家擔心了，我一直沒準備好面對大家．．．
台灣的父母和姊，大家真的擔心我崩潰，走不出來．
小心翼翼的像在對待易碎的玻璃娃娃一樣．電話中不斷的關心和開導．
媽媽說：［妳痛孩子的痛，媽媽我也痛妳所痛．妳也是我的女兒啊．就像妳痛妳女兒一樣。感同身受。]
我想如果可以，媽媽會希望這個痛由她來幫我受，
就如同我想幫小女兒承受一切的痛苦一樣．若能，我真的願意啊．
懷孕時，在部落格紀錄懷孕的點點滴滴；
生活中，我們懷著期待的心情準備著小女兒的用品．
總是聊著小孩眼睛要像我，脾氣要像爸爸，
自己要成功餵母奶，小蘋果要當姊接要幫忙照顧
一家人要一起回台灣．．．
從來不會想到，這平淡的期望卻成奢望了
滿滿的愛無法付出．．．
很想念卻無法相見．．．
想給她全世界卻沒機會．．．
我們的寶貝小女兒，來到我們這個家既倉卒又短暫
能留下的記憶那麼少
讓我自私地想要好好藏起來留給自己．
但是，這麼美的她，應該介紹給大家認識的．
我們的小女兒在媽媽肚裡待了２４週又５天，在父親節這天急著出來跟我們見面
為人父母的我們一直理所當然的認為可以陪她長大
小小的她，只陪我們度過短暫的４天
短暫的令人心痛．．．
美麗回憶．．．
珍貴的幾乎讓我不願與人分享．．．
小女兒給了我們很多，
有純潔體貼的心，她的勇氣令我們不捨
小小的她已經懂得安慰媽媽和爸爸
當她緊緊握住我們的小手指時，給我們安慰和勇氣
這就是我們的小女兒黃煦雯Kristine
我們的小天使，現在快快樂樂的在天堂玩
下面這首歌，我放在部落格裡播放，獻給我們的小女兒
希望她能夠在極樂天堂的懷抱裡，快樂、不會痛痛
關心我的朋友們，很抱歉我目前還是沒準備好面對大家作出回應，請多給我一些時間沉澱
我會將自己的心情寫在部落格，盡量讓大家了解我的狀況．謝謝！
以天籟之音唱出天使般的聲韻，喜歡它旋律簡單而意境幽遠．
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memorys seep through my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless then maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escape one last time
it’s easier to believe
in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Tommee Tippee 蒸奶器
懷孕中期，算是整個產程最舒服的了。雖然，阿母還是會因為懷孕的一些變化感到不舒服，也很同意這個說法。
l The woman’s uterus, cervix and placenta, noting the proximity of the placenta to the cervix to see whether it is low lying.
l The amount of amniotic fluid [͵æmnɪˋotɪk ˋfluɪd] surrounding the baby and estimating whether the volume is within the normal expected range. Too much fluid is known as ‘polyhydramnios’, too little is known as ‘oligohydramnios’ .
l Both ends of the baby’s umbilical [ʌmˋbilikl] cord and counting the blood vessels in the cord, of which there should be 3 vessels (2 arteries動脈 and 1 vein靜脈). Sometimes there will only be 2 vessels (one artery and one vein).
l The position the baby is lying inside the uterus (known as the ‘presentation’), for example, breech (bottom first), transverse or head down (called ‘cephalic’).
l The baby’s skeleton, arms, legs, hands and feet. Checking to see that their feet are not clubbed. The ultrasonographer will also note if the baby is moving during the examination.
l The baby’s genitals[ˋdʒɛnətəlz]生殖器 (if able to be seen). They may be able to let you know the sex of your baby, if this can be identified (and you want to know).
l The baby’s face, eyes, nose, tongue and mouth (to look for cleft lip).
l The baby’s stomach, bladder, diaphragm[ˋdaɪə͵fræm]橫隔膜 and kidney’s, particularly the section of the kidney that collects urine for transport to the bladder (called the ‘renal pelvis’腎盂). The renal pelvis is measured (if seen adequately) and if it is excessively dilated擴大 this may possibly indicate future kidney problems. You can read more in dilated renal pelvis.
l The baby’s femur (or thigh bone) length is measured as well as their abdominal circumference, biparietal diameter (width of their head) and head circumference (measurement around their head). These may need to be measured 2 or 3 times, depending on how clearly the areas are able to be seen. All the measurements are put into a software program to estimate the gestation age of the baby.
l The baby’s skull 頭蓋骨and spine 脊椎are carefully examined for neural tube defects 神經管缺陷and their brain is examined and measured. The ultrasound may reveal the presence of possible choroid plexus cysts脈絡膜的網狀組織囊腫.
l The baby’s abdominal wall 腹壁 [æbˋdɑmən!] and intestines[ɪnˋtɛstɪn] 腸 are examined.
l The baby’s heart is examined, particularly the 4 chambers of the heart, the partitions 分隔物 (or septums between the chambers) to try and detect a hole in the heart. The heart valves瓣膜 are checked and the direction of blood flow through the main heart vessels (the aorta and pulmonary artery) as well as counting the actual heart rate.
雅茹
南十字星空下的...Apple Family 